Wet Dreams No More

Dear Dr. G,

I am a currently single 40-year-old man who has not really engaged in frequent sexual activities in recent months. I confess that I do self-indulge once in a while, but this is only perhaps once a month.

I recently chatted to a few friends over drinks and we talked about how dormant our sex lives have been reaching 40, either married or not. Some friends highlighted that they have begun to experience wet dreams again.

Personally, I find that difficult to believe. I had wet dreams during my late teens or early 20s. It was a climatic (literally) out-of-body experience that was simply brilliant. I actually had vivid memories of the associated dreams. However, I cannot recall having another wet dream since then.

I’d love to put Dr. G on the spot to tell us more about wet dreams.

What exactly are wet dreams? Is it harmful to have wet dreams?

Is it normal for men to get wet dreams beyond the youth? If so, how often do men get it?

Despite a drought in my sex life at my 40s, why am I deprived of the wet dreams?

Will I be able to experience it again?

Thank you in advance.

Wet dreams no more

Wet dreams or sex dreams are synonymous with nocturnal emissions, which describes a spontaneous orgasm during sleep that results in ejaculation. Both men and women experience wet dreams, during which climatic sensations described during the vivid sex dreams end with orgasmic seminal ejaculation or vaginal wetness.

Various cultural and religious literature have documented their views on wet dreams. The ancient Roman perceived wet dreams as natural “excretion” of semen in abundance: “With the seed abundant, so that as it were with all matter acted duly out. They pour the billows of a potent stream and stain their garment.”

On the other hand, European folklore views nocturnal emission of a supernatural entity, when the dreams are believed to be associated with the succubus, which is a demon in a female form appearing in dreams to seduce men. Men are warned that repeated sexual acts with a succubus, during wet dreams, was thought to result in the deterioration of health, mental state or even death.

Nocturnal emissions are a common phenomenon during adolescence and early adult years. However, wet dreams can occur anytime after puberty. In one study, approximately 8% of their dreams contain some form of sexually related activity but only 4% of such dreams actually resulted in climatic orgasm.

It is completely possible for both men and women to sleep through nocturnal emissions or to be woken up by the wet dreams but have no recollection or be oblivious to the climatic event the following morning. Hence, the data on the frequency of nocturnal emissions are variable and unreliable.

Some reports documented a fortnight of sexual inactivity (meaning no penetrative intercourse or masturbation) may derive the pleasure of a wet dream, regardless of age.

Data in the United States revealed that 83% of men experienced wet dreams at least once in their life. The same study showed adolescents at the age of 15 may be “troubled” by nocturnal emissions once every three weeks, while a non-sexually active 40-year-old chap would have wet dreams once every five weeks.

The frequency of emission is about once every five months for a sexually active 55-year-old man.

In my professional (and personal) experience, I beg to differ. In reality, a man of 50 is lucky to be pleasantly surprised by the nocturnal emission every two decades. And most of us can safely kiss the memory of the wet dreams goodbye after the age of 40!

One factor that may influence the frequency of nocturnal emission is the level of testosterone. One study done in 1998 demonstrated the number of men with nocturnal emission can go up to as high as 90% with high dose testosterone treatment, compared to 17% in the men with natural hormonal levels. The question is: “How much are you willing to go to restore the wetness?”