Dear Dr G

I have a very embarrassing issue I hope you can resolve for me.

I am in my early twenties and started having a sexual relationship while at university; I think I began encountering the problem of premature ejaculation since I first became intimate.

While there were occasions when I could last longer, I generally do not last very long.

My inability to have a satisfying sexual relationship has a huge impact on my self-confidence both inside and outside the bedroom.

I feel like I have been short-changed in life.

I am now embarking on another relationship.

I have been quite open with my girlfriend and told her about my “shortcomings.”

She seems to understand my predicament and suggested I should seek help.

Truthfully, I am really not sure I suffer from PE and hope to put Dr G on the spot for better clarification.

First of all, can you tell me how long men last in bed?

And if I do suffer from PE, how quickly do I ejaculate?

Incidentally, what tests do you do to make the diagnosis?

What sort of timing is ideal for sex?

What is considered too long and too short?

Do men who suffer from PE make bad lovers?

Please help.

Yours truly,

Short-changed Sam

There is no uniform consensus on the cut-off definition of timing to define “premature” in PE. A consensus of experts at The International Society of Sexual Medicine (ISSM) has agreed that men in the 95th percentile of complaining about early ejaculation or rapid climax tend to reach orgasm around one minute from penetration.

On the other hand, The International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10) has a different view and applies 15 seconds as the cut-off point for the diagnosis. Experts at the Kinsey Institute highlighted that the timing of sex is not just variable from different individuals, but also varies between different partners and the degree of arousal during sexual encounters.

In fact, Kinsey himself observed up to 75% of men ejaculated within two minutes of penetration at least half of the time, and many couples can still experience satisfaction with such an interval. With such a big variation in timings, what constitutes a normal interval of intercourse? The measurement of the timing of sex is done with a scientific method called Intravaginal Ejaculation Latency Time (IELT).

The time it takes for men to ejaculate from the point of penetration is technically a research tool, whereby the partner is instructed to start the stopwatch upon penetration and record the reading when climax is achieved.

Although this may seem primitive and artificial in nature, the IELT can give a rough estimate of what is the duration of “normal” and “abnormal” intervals of intercourse in most sexual relationships.

Multinational research has been conducted using IELT to measure what is considered a “normal” duration of performance in a typical man. One study done on 491 heterosexual men in various European countries revealed the median IELT for all participants was 5.4 minutes. The study demonstrated IELT tends to decrease with age.

Men aged 18 to 30 tend to last 6.5 minutes, while men above 50 can only sustain 4.3 minutes, and condoms did also not influence the timing of IELT. Another study done in North America investigating the ideal timing of sex revealed the average coitus timing is 7 minutes. The couples tend to perceive 1 to 2 minutes as being too short, 3 to 7 minutes as adequate, 7 to 13 minutes as desirable, and 13 to 30 minutes as too long.

Contrary to what is portrayed in pornography; “typical” men would last between 5 to 8 minutes in a “typical” sexual encounter. Premature ejaculation (PE) is a well-recognised sexual dysfunction when a man experiences orgasm and ejaculates “shortly” after penetration.

Historically, this is referred to as ejacultio praecox, which is in Latin translated as “early booming of ejaculation.” According to the ISSM, premature ejaculation is a sexual dysfunction that is not just dependent on the timing of intercourse. Men with PE often describe the feeling of having no control over the ejaculatory trigger.

In addition, they also report emotional and relationship distress, even to the extent of sexual relationship avoidance due to embarrassment. Premature ejaculation may seem like a trivial matter between the sheets, but it is well recognised to have a significant adverse impact on self-confidence and relationships.

In reality, the timing of ejaculation should not be a yardstick for the measurement of the quality of a lover. Instead, rapid ejaculation should be considered a variation of a norm, as the timing of sex is a spectrum that can be influenced by many factors.

From an evolutionary viewpoint, most male mammals ejaculate quickly during intercourse, prompting some biologists to consider the real “heroes” are rapid ejaculators who evolved into men’s genetic makeup to increase the chances of passing their genes.

When Dr G is often put on the spot by men who are bothered by being short-changed in the timing of sex and aspire to be the “heroes” like others, his response is to seek help from doctors for the many treatments that might help with prolonging the shortcomings.