Jaded Sex

Dear Dr G,

I have the guilty pleasure of reading your weekly column. On one hand, I enjoy your humorous guidance in solving problems between the sheets. On the other hand, I have the guilty reflection upon looking at my own bedroom “mishap”.

I guess it’s about time I build up the courage to offer my Sunday confession and put Dr G on the spot to spice up my jaded sex life.

I am a 49 year-old-man and has been married for nearly 20 years. My wife and I used to have an “earth shattering” sexual experience during our youth.

Sadly, in the last few years, life’s other matters took precedence and the sex life has become somewhat mundane.

Truthfully, it has been sexless in the last two years, and life just moves on.

My wife is fit and healthy and not menopausal, however, I just think she is not interested in sex any more. At least not with me!

Is diminishing passion due to male or female factors? Is this the inevitable fate we face approaching 50?

I recently read about Gwyneth Paltrow bragging about some “jade eggs” helping her to spice up the sex life.

What exactly are these mysterious eggs?

Could this be my solution?

Yours,

Jaded lover

Diminishing sexual passion among modern couples is well documented in medical literature.

A recent publication in The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy revealed that 54% and 42% of American men and women reported dissatisfaction with their sex lives respectively.

Apart from blaming the usual busy urban lifestyle, neuroscientist had offered the other explanation of the disparity of sexual motivation, drive, appetite and libido and it lies in the brain as we aged.

The initial passionate honeymoon neurochemistry apparently is a transient one-time explosive booster of fiery passion.

Subsequent attempts to relive the zeal by acting out sexual fantasy or trying the sizzling foreplay, cannot prevent the eventual depletion of the natural neurotransmitters.

In both men and women, the androgen receptors and the sensitivity to dopamine in the brain decline with age, blunting sexual responsiveness.

In other words, the numbing of the pleasure response is inevitable. The decline escalates with unhealthy sedentary lifestyle.

Facing the inevitable decline in the love juice, most sex therapists will highlight the need to communicate.

Typical strategies would involve couples bringing up the feeling of dissatisfaction together, and giving each other the chance to listen to each other’s inner sexual frustration.

For busy couples to address the issue realistically, the effort to make time for sex may not be spontaneous, but it is a necessity in the therapeutic intervention.

Often times, couples are advised to stop comparing the marriage to the good old days, and not deluding that the initial “earth shattering” magic can be repeated again and again.

Indeed, a few eyebrows were raised and quite a controversy emerged when the 46-year-old Paltrow posted a story titled – “Better sex: Jade Eggs for your Yoni”.

It is apparently the guarded secret of the Chinese royalty used by the queens and the concubines.

According to Paltrow, putting the eggs up the yoni (Sanskrit word interpreted to literally to mean the female organ) for hours at a time could improve sex life, balance your menstrual cycle, intensify feminine energy, power to cleanse and ideal for detox.

With such miracle powers, who needs a gynecologist when you have the jade eggs?

In reality, jade eggs are part of the ancient Taoist sexual yoga practice to strengthen the pelvic floor. As the pelvic floor supports the organs in the pelvis, the improvement of the muscle is well recognised to enhance sexual pleasure and orgasm in women.

The most commonly recognised way of exercising the pelvic floor is through Kegel’s exercise, with or without the assistance of the jade eggs.

The tear jerking Academy Award-wining actress, socialite and lifestyle guru, Paltrow herself once said: “The work gets more difficult as you get older. You learn more and gather more experiences, there is deeper pain and higher highs!”

In a more conservative relationship, to pour out bedroom desire and dislike in front of a therapist may not be the norm. The use of sex devices, aid or even eggs may not be the preferred dish for all, however, the effort to enhance lovemaking is moving in the right direction.

When Dr G is put on the spot, his advice is: “The sex gets more difficult as you get older. Any form of communication helps. The correct use of the jade eggs may be one way to dwell deeper, for higher high in pleasure, and hopefully not too much pain!”